The Silent Ones

It’s the silent ones that are the most deadly sometimes because they are hiding in layers, hiding in the shadows, unbeknownst to us. We don’t see them, we don’t always hear them, we can’t touch them. We don’t even know they exist sometimes. I call them silent triggers.

Lately I have been working on understanding triggers more because I am finally understanding how they negatively impact my everyday interactions. We often don’t even know they exist (unless you’ve had some therapy). They appear in our everyday existence, acting as if they are a typical part of our lives.

What is a Trigger?
Triggers can be a simple: sight of a person, a smell, an object, an environment (lights, temperature, etc), thoughts, emotions, tastes, a similar occurrence of a situation, words/phrases stated by someone, transitions, imagines, specific dates/anniversaries. Basically anything.

PTSD/Trauma Triggers: a stimulus that prompts involuntary recall of a previous traumatic experience. You could be at school, at a party, or at work–and suddenly you spot an object or you smell a scent and you react. It could be reacting as simple as becoming nausea, or something as severe as suddenly screaming at your colleague next door for no apparent reason. These reactions come and go, and often you are not in control of them unless you’ve done some significant work.

Triggers are often a result of a traumatic event, but keep in mind there are various degree’s of trauma. You will typically hear those who have endured very difficult circumstances such as physical abuse, an accident, etc. But today I want to emphasize those internal events that go unheard. I’m referring to neglect, emotional abuse (insulting or putting you down with their words such as shaming), gaslighting (psychological manipulation), enduring death, and more. These aren’t obvious when someone has endured these, and to be honest we will rarely ever recognize or talk about it. Most victims don’t even realize something has drastically impacted them psychologically. There are no physical scars or outward evidence of this occurring. These things occur as quickly as they are gone, and that is the dangerous part. Most people are not aware or educated on what I want to call the ‘silent’ triggers.

The silent ones, from what I believe (however I am no doctor/expert of this) are the most deadly ones. They are the ones that psychologically impact the way you experience future events, your ability to feel, your ability to think clearly, and your ability to believe you deserve love. These are the ones that lead to mental illnesses, health issues (due to stress/trauma), and as a worst case scenario– suicide, genocide, and serial killing.

Me and my partner discussed what our triggers were the other day (at least the ones we are aware of). My triggers stem from significantly trauma from childhood to my 30’s, whereas my partner’s triggers stem from a typical “traditional Asian upbringing”– but both are the silent ones.

My triggers:
1) Any time he does not respond to something I am saying to him
2) Any time he walks away (leaves a room, leaves while I’m talking) even if it’s just to go grab an item
3) Certain tones and phrases he uses when he respond to me (can’t pin-point exactly what yet)

My partners triggers:
1) Any time I bring up his parents (Even if it’s complimenting them)
2) Any time I make the statement “I have to treat you like you’re a little boy”
3) Nagging/telling him what he needs to do


So today, I just want to applaud those who continue to keep fighting. Who are aware, and not aware, that they may have these silent triggers. It is exhausting. It is like dragging your feet through quicksand mud that honestly, just doesn’t stop. You will have good hours and bad hours, then good hours again, but those good hours do eventually come back. You will have moments where it feels like the end of the world, but also moments you couldn’t be more grateful for the life you have. I think the most important thing to recognize is that the more triggers that appear on the surface and as more confusion arises, the healthier you are becoming. It may sound counterintuitive, but change and growth is a messy but beautiful thing. It means we are rejecting the old, and learning the new. We are un-conditioning those old ways of thinking and acting, and paving a new path, which is no easy feat.
Some people (even your own partner/family) may judge you because there are no obvious scars. No one speaks about them. No one may acknowledge them. No one may know about them. Some may mislabel them as “too emotional” or “being crazy” or “volatile” or “lazy” or “weird”. Unfortunately, this is where we have to rely and trust in ourselves more than others.
Learn to trust your emotions “wow that hurt”. Learn to trust your gut “I’m heightened right now. I need a break”. Learn to trust your body “I’m shaking right now”. Validate them, acknowledge them, and love them deeply with your actions so you can start healing.

Courage by the way, helps re-condition a lot of your trauma and fears because you are facing them. And by re-conditioning your fears, you gain confidence. And with confidence, you start learning the value of loving yourself and taking care of yourself. And by loving yourself, you start healing.

#traumaliving #trauma #triggers #PTSD #courage #thesilentones